Raison d'etre
by JapFreaky
Summary: Subaru's first birthday after Hokuto and Seishirou's death. He sit down at a cafe and meets a girl. One-shot.


**19th February is Subaru's birthday. I just felt like writing one for him. This is my second fanfic. Hope you enjoy.**

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As he walked back home, he would hear many people complaining. Whether it was about work being too tough or that there was not enough time to spend with their loved ones. Hearing them reminded the emerald-eyed onmyouji once again that he was different. Things were different for him. He enjoyed his work quite thoroughly. It was better when it was busy as it gave him less time to think about his loved ones.

He opened the door to his house which greeted him with silence. His green eyes dimmed. No Hokuto, his chattering, hyperactive sister. No Seishirou, the kindly veterinarian. The warm-filled atmosphere that used to be the norm was already long gone.

After years, Subaru was still unable to get used to it. For some reason, this day made Subaru particularly uncomfortable, as if he had forgotten something. He decided to check the calendar. Beside it was an old photo of two twins and a slightly older man. The younger male twin whose eyes were so brilliant in the photo were dulled now. Subaru stood, debating whether to take the photo down for a few seconds before turning his attention to the calendar, leaving the photo as it was.

February 19th… February 19th.. His finger which had started tracing the calendar stopped at the date. He had written a simple '_B_' on it.

_B_. _B_ for birthday. His and Hokuto's birthday. How could he have forgotten?

When Hokuto was still here, she would have decorated the place with so much colors that almost gave Subaru a headache and had already prepared a cake for Subaru and her both. The last year she was here, the house had been so overly decorated that Subaru had almost thought he entered the wrong house. Thinking about it now, it must have been because of Seishirou's presence.

"Let's take this time's birthday as Subaru and Sei-chan's marriage!" she had said, with her bright signature laughter. "Look at this 'wedding' cake!"

Seishirou had merely smiled. The smile that Subaru had now knew was fake. "Am I sexy?" he had asked.

Now, Subaru suddenly felt unbearable in the empty plain house. He grabbed his keys and got out of the house.

* * *

He sat down at a café, ordered a coffee and stared out of the window. Small droplets of water started falling outside the café. He could see people running to shelter themselves. Absentmindly, he thought that instead of going back home, he should have stayed out of the house as he had done the past few years. But something made him feel uneasy when he was outside as if he was missing something. Staying outside would probably let him figure out what it was.

In the glass window, he thought he saw a reflection of a familiar silhouette in a black trench coat. Subaru whipped around in surprise. Seeing no one, he slumped down the chair.

_Happy Birthday, Subaru-kun._

A voice echoed in his mind and he saw a pink petal falling down. Subaru's eyes widened as he reached to catch the sakura petal. The inverted pentagram signs were glowing on his hands.

_These are the signs of the Sakurazukamori._ Subaru's bottom lip quivered. But Seishirou was dead. Subaru killed him with his own hands. He could still remember the blood staining on his own white trench coat. The weight of Seishirou's body as he fell onto him. Seishirou's last smile. Seishirou's gentle last words.

Just when the tip of his finger touched the petal, it dissolved. Just like it had not been there in the first place. Was it a hallucination after all?

"Seishirou-san..." Subaru murmured his name for the first time since his death. Suddenly, he understood what he was missing. He could no longer feel the pair of eyes watching his every move. He hadn't realized that it reassured him.

"Excuse me," a feminine voice spoke. "May I sit?"

Subaru turned to see a beautiful girl of not more than 13, holding a camcorder in her hands, standing before him. She had long violent-purple hair and purple eyes similar to that of Kamui's. She wore a simple dress but yet was able to give off an air of elegance.

Subaru nodded and the girl smiled, sitting down across him. Slowly but mildly, the girl started a small talk with him. Usually, Subaru was not used to people talking to him so casually but he didn't find the conversation uncomfortable. It was as if she was being careful with her questions and words. The girl didn't introduce herself and neither did Subaru.

Through the conversation, Subaru comfirmed his suspicion that the girl was indeed born into a wealthy family and found out that she loved filming especially her best friend whom she claimed to be extremely cute. He noticed that the girl became extremely excited as she talked about her best friend. She also loved to make costumes, reminding Subaru of Hokuto's passion with her bizarre colourful sense of fashion. Subaru also noted that though she was wealthy, she did not look down on people. Subaru actually found himself enjoying the conversation. It had been some time since he had a decent conversation with anyone.

"If you don't mind me asking," Subaru finally asked the question that he was pondering. "Why did you talk to me? I'm a perfect stranger."

The girl paused and smiled. "You have the same beautiful eyes as the person I love, but yet so sad. I was wondering what could have happened."

Subaru looked down at his already cooled coffee and risked another question. "That person you love.. Is she your best friend?"

The girl looked surprised but she recovered her smile. "Yes. You are quite perceptive. But she likes another person. I could only cheer her on." She looked out of the window.

"Ah, the rain stopped." The girl stood. "I should be going now. Thank you for the conversation."

Subaru nodded and the girl left.

Subaru opened his palm which had touched the petal. It was empty. He sighed and looked out at the darkened sky.

Though that girl's love was not returned, she still has the happiness of seeing the person she loves to be happy. Remembering the glint in the girl's eyes as she talked about her best friend, Subaru smiled slightly but dropped it immediately. What about him?

Hokuto was dead. Seishirou was dead. His two most important persons were gone. Exactly for what reason was he living now?

He got up and left the café as well. The coffee he bought hours before was never touched.

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**In case you don't know, the title, Raison d'etre, is a French phrase meaning reason for existence.**

**And how did you like it? Who can guess who the girl is? She is from one of Clamp's works too. I didn't mention her name so I didn't think to put in the crossover section. Please review if possible. :)**


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